Family Proclamation Project

Supporting Families across Generations

Extended families should lend support when needed

The late President Boyd K. Packer said, “We must teach our youth to draw close to the elderly grandpas and grandmas.”

President Ezra Taft Benson said, “We encourage families to give their elderly parents and grandparents the love, care, and attention they deserve.  Let us remember the scriptural command that we must care for those of our own house lest we be found “worse than an infidel” (I Timothy 5:8)…If they become less able to live independently, then family, Church, and community resources may be needed to help them.  When the elderly become unable to care for themselves, even with supplemental aid, care can be provided in the home of a family member when possible.”

Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement from our prophet.  People are living longer these days, and I guess we can look at it as an opportunity to not miss the opportunities in learning to better take care for each other.  Let’s try to watch out for our family members more.  Try to be more involved for them, pray for them and their needs.  I know as I write this, there is a list of people I need to be a better steward to.  Appropriately, I have reprimanded myself and will do better at keeping those connections alive and well.

How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times

&

Heal Relationships in Bad Times

Successful marriages…are established and maintained on principles of…prayer.

Sweet hour of prayer.  How can prayer help us and why is it important in our relationships? 

As I have matured I have progressively found the usefulness of prayer. Yes, that is a selfish way to look at it.  Prayer for me, personally, helps me to reflect on the person I am, my relationship with my husband, the people I love, and most importantly my Father in Heaven. 

Prayer is such a big topic for me that it would be easy to pick out the meanings, purposes and feel good things we all learned in primary.

I find it is easy to pray both in good times and in bad.  But I do find my prayers tend to take on new depths during the bad.  But in the last few years couples prayer for me has become what Ecclesiastes 4:12 said “a threefold cord” bond.  I know that a threefold cord is usually described as a marriage bond, but I like to interpret as my Heavenly Father as one strand, me and hubby as one strand (it takes several intertwined fibers to create that one strand) and then learning to use that third strand for whatever is needed. 

The payoff or benefit.  Learning to listen.

Couples prayer is not a guarantee against the bad times.  NOT AT ALL.  I could tell you stories of the bad times we’ve lived through, and they have been a plenty.  What I have learned by having couples prayer particularly during the bad times, is that they aren’t as devastating.  We can get back up – shake it off, have a little more faith, knowing that it will pass and things really are, all right.

I am deeply grateful for prayer and how it enriches my life.  I love that I can turn to prayer while in the car, on my knees in the quiet dark of the evening, or in our morning family ‘huddle’. I know that Prayer helped save my marriage at one point, and that prayer works.  Imagine what we could do with a little more effort in our marriages and homes with sincere prayer. 

Let me end with what our prophet President Thomas S. Monson said, “To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer” (“Be Your Best Self,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2009, 68).

Sharing and Defending Family Proclamation Principles

We call upon responsible citizens….everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

The importance of what a family is to me, and what it represents is absolutely everything.  The entire purpose of my being on this planet to the three finest children on earth, with the hope of being with them for all eternity, is hard to put into words.  And defend it I will.  President Spencer W. Kimball stated, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us”.  [Kimball, 1980, p.4.]

All around us society is changing its beliefs, and behavior on what is considered a family.  The media would reprimand any of those following ‘old fashioned’ values for what is P.C. for today’s moral compass.  But these changing patterns, if left unchecked, will continue to further degrade the family.  In D&C 38:41 we read, “And let your preaching be the warning voice, every man to his neighbor, in mildness and in meekness.”  It is my duty as well as yours, to let shout from the rooftops, to defend and preserve the sanctity of family.  To do all that we can and not stand idly by as the adversary gets his grip.

But the way in which we do this is also of importance.  We can learn to be quicker at our standing up and defending the family structure, yes, but the manner in which we do it is also important.  Preaching is fine for church.  But a strong and solid tone can be used to our coworkers, neighbors, or anywhere in public that uses a Christ-like tone.  We can defend the faith without turning people off or away from the gospel. 

Crucibles and Healing:  Illness, Loss, Death and Bereavement

President Spencer W. Kimball sagely advised, “If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life could be a calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective.” (1972, p97) (W. David Robinson, Jason S. Caroll, and Elaine Sorenson Marshall, 2012, p.238

All of us in this life are bound to have our own struggles of sorrow and pain.  The Proclamation that all of these experiences are meant for us to grow and progress through to the eternities.   The cumulative purpose of all these experiences in this life is to help us “progress toward perfection” and realize our “destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

Having faith in God and in His “divine plan of happiness” is the first principle of a perspective that recognizes meaning and growth as coming from life’s crucibles. (W. David Robinson, Jason S. Caroll, and Elaine Sorenson Marshall, 2012, p.238 Successful Marriages and Families)

But since we cannot get out of this life without all that sorrow and pain, how can we better deal with it?  That is the question we all ask ourselves in the hardest of times.  Which for some can seem like more than we can bare.

Brother Caroll also had wise words to help in this situation saying, “Our perspective often determines how we define and respond to such situations.”

Yes, our perspective can change everything.  It cannot changes the reality of the given situation, the actual dynamics that make death or sorrow cease in its tracks.  The reality has not changed, but by adjusting our perspective on how to deal with such sorrow and given pain is an eternal learning process, can help us in our outlooks that it is all temporary.  And by seeing the temporary nature of it, see the immortal and eternal vision of it all.

Understanding the eternal aspect we can understand that Christ takes all things on him, bares our burdens, and grants us to use the Atonement in handling that grief and pain.

Elder Bruce Hafen said, “From this scripture, we learn two important truths. First, the Atonement’s healing power is not only for overcoming the effects of sin, but also extends to the entire range of mortal suffering and adversity.” (Hafen 1989)

Parenting in Gospel Context: Practices Do Make a Difference

The Proclamation to the World states, ”Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”

There are so many ways to parent, the styles and methods used have numerous books and a plethora of media material resources to find answers that help in being a better parent.  We have a duty as parents to do the best we can over our stewardships.  And seeking help can only help us improve.  One particularly helpful source is the following:

(http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/3-parenting-styles.html)

This comes from Dr. Diana Baumrind and her well known empirical parent model.  And while this source is wonderful and in line with the teachings from the proclamation, the main source for improving and seeking help for parenting is that direct line via prayer to our Heavenly Father.

In seeking to improve our parenting on what to help them become better individuals as they grow, the above steps of Dr. Baumrind helps us see what to say ‘no’ to.  But there is also great benefit in helping us as parents in what to say ‘yes’ to.  Be a parent of courage.

One wonderfully insightful talk comes from Larry Lawrence, entitled “Courageous Parenting”.  I quote, “Courageous parenting does not always involve saying no. Parents also need courage to say yes to the counsel of modern-day prophets. Our Church leaders have counseled us to establish righteous patterns in our homes. Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together, and regular one-on-one interviews with each child.

It takes courage to gather children from whatever they’re doing and kneel together as a family. It takes courage to turn off the television and the computer and to guide your family through the pages of the scriptures every day. It takes courage to turn down other invitations on Monday night so that you can reserve that evening for your family. It takes courage and willpower to avoid overscheduling so that your family can be home for dinner.”

We have to know when to stand up and go along with what the leaders of our church are advising.  If that is a “no” to a child’s previous behavior in order to say “yes” to the prophets words of council, then do it.  They are inspired men that can only help us as parents do a better job as stewards to our brother and sister spirit children.

The Eternal Family:  A Plain and Previous Part of the Plan of Salvation

“From the time of Adam and Eve and on to the present day, God’s Covenant people rejoice in the plain and most precious doctrine of eternal families. “From the Beginning, God organized the human family and revealed that marriage and family relationships are intended to be eternal.” (Judd, pg. 354)

While our individual salvation is based on our individual obedience, it is equally important that we understand that we are each an important and integral part of a family and the highest blessings can be received only within an eternal family. When families are functioning as designed by God, the relationships found therein are the most valued of mortality. The plan of the Father is that family love and companionship will continue into the eternities. Being one in a family carries a great responsibility of caring, loving, lifting, and strengthening each member of the family so that all can righteously endure to the end in mortality and dwell together throughout eternity.

Henry B. Ehring said, “Eternal life means to become like the father and to live in happiness and joy forever.”

President Brigham Young also said this, “That our families are not yet ours.  The Lord has committed them to us to see how we will treat them. Only if we are faithful will they be given to us forever. What we do on earth determines whether or not we will be worthy to become heavenly parents."

The promise for us through the plan of salvation is that we can attain as a family that forever part.  It takes work on our side, for it is no guarantee that it will just happen.

Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage

"Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).

The purpose of life, or eternal life, involves eternal families.  In fact, it is centered on them.  In chapter one it states “A recent study showed that 90 percent of young adults in the United States rate “having a good marriage and family life” as being “quite important” or “very important” to them. (Bachman, Johnston & O’Malley, 2009). However, having grown up in a society saturated with divorce, many young people have become pessimistic about their chances of having a happy marriage. The same study found that more than one-third of emerging adults agrees with the statement. “One sees so few good or happy marriages that one questions it as a way of life.” Simply put, when it comes to marriage, many young adults today have high aspirations but low expectations.”

While the world pulls away from the tradition and importance of a marriage, and the fact that marriage guidelines have become relaxed by law to include same sex marriages, its impact on susceptible LDS youth is worrisome.  There have been numerus warnings and advisements from our leadership to continue dating, as the decline has been prevalent.  More and more LDS young adults are choosing to not date.  Many factors may well contribute as to this alarming decline, and the message for eternal families is that much more imperative.  Strong eternal families are needed in today’s society.  The distractions that come through the media, emphasis only on group dating causing an inability to know how to talk or hold a conversation with the opposite sex.

As a mom to 3 wonderful youth, I have seen firsthand the dating experiences mentioned above, and why I think this is a very important topic for discussion.  I love that we are reminded in 1 Corinthians that we need each other.  And that further than that, we know the goal of this Plan of Happiness calls for us to find our mate and create our own eternal families.  What a wonderful promise for us to strive towards and live up to.

Drawing Specific Inspiration from the Proclamation

I love the Proclamation to the World regarding eternal families.  What a wonderful comfort it is to know that we can be together forever.  That it is within our grasp if we just all do the work we need to do.  I have had a copy of the proclamation hanging in my home for several years now.  It has special meaning to me.  With my parent’s divorce as an infant, and my own mother’s death at the age of 5, I have always felt something big missing in my life.  My step parents raised me in the gospel, but I found particular comfort in knowing that I could be reunited with my mom, the baby I had lost, and perhaps my biological father who had recently died.  The proclamation offers that knowledge to me.

One other promise sticks out is the importance of learning eternal values being taught in the home.  The value of being able to teach before they go on to their own creating of families.    By following traditional values, we can help influence the community and society around us for the good.  By being great examples to those around us, we can strengthen each other and show the importance of teaching valued principles like monogamy, honesty, virtue, integrity—to the world.

Sister Tanner emphasized is well when she said “I testify that in the eternal scheme of things, the most crucial and fulfilling thing you will do is to build a holy home and rear a strong family in love. This family unit will bless society and endure through eternity.”

Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life

“Of you it is required to forgive.”

 

I recall listening at length to a couple who sat across the desk from me. There was bitterness between them. I know that at one time their love was deep and true. But each had developed a habit of speaking of the faults of the other. Unwilling to forgive the kind of mistakes we all make, and unwilling to forget them and live above them with forbearance, they had carped at one another until the love they once knew had been smothered. It had turned to ashes with the decree of a so-called ‘no-fault’ divorce. Now there is only loneliness and recrimination. I am satisfied that had there been even a small measure of repentance and forgiveness, they would still be together, enjoying the companionship that had so richly blessed their earlier years.”

This chapter asks us the question, “Why should I forgive?”

Forgiveness is essential for us to heal from whatever has wounded us, but it is also required for us to gain salvation for ourselves.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks so wisely said, “The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change…Repenting means giving up all of our practices– personal, family, ethnic, and national–that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change.” 

I know that if we gain get over our own pride, and be quicker and better at forgiving those around us, we will reap the blessings.  The study of stress, anger, and holding onto the angst of not forgiving someone is detrimental to the body.  But the eternal progress is halted when we hold onto things that we should learn to let go of.

What I have learned going through life is that I make just as many mistakes as the person I hold a grudge or withhold forgiveness against.  I myself need to see the value of everyone’s contribution and need of equal forgiveness—just so that I can receive the same.  Our relationships can continue to improve, closeness with children, parents or spouses will also improve, and we can learn to have more empathy towards those around us.

Marriage in the Later Years

There are many perceived negative things that the world would see with aging.  But there are also many positive things not to be overlooked.  With age comes experience and perspective.  Older couples have the perspective and ability to teach.  Older people also have more discretionary time.  When the daily demands of childbearing and the work force have passed, many couples find themselves with extra time, a luxury previously unknown to them.  This allows more time for anything, most importantly – each other.

"The last third of marriage can be a time of strengthening marital bonds and solidifying spiritual resolve" (Sandberg, Harper, Strait, & Le Baron, 2012, p. 96).  So basically, we should take advantage of this new era in our lives.  There's so many great things that life has to offer, even at this age. 

"The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between a man and woman is essential to His eternal plan... The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). 

The book suggests that retirement can go two ways for couples:

·       If the couple is well-adjusted, retirement can be a joyful time in which they spend more quality time together and share housework.

·       If the couple already has marital issues, retirement can have consequences such as increased arguing and confusion of roles. 

President Boyd K. Packer said, "When your body begins to deteriorate, the patterns of revelation will be augmented and magnified."
      I think we focus a lot of our attention on finding a spouse and then raising a family that we don't really plan on our lives after the kids are grown and moved on.  I've seen this firsthand with my in-laws who are only 2 years into retirement.  Many older people really struggle in their marriages at this stage because they don't know what to do with themselves or handle so much time together. 

 My husband and I will have been married 23 year next week, and I think I can agree with the above statement.  We are quickly approaching the empty nest stage with two of our three gone on missions right now.  Our son, the caboose is nearly 14 – nearly independent already.  As a couple we are facing more and more time together.

There are several things we can do to make sure that our relationship stays strong over the years of marriage into the older years:

·       Personal commitment to the marriage covenant

·       Love and friendship

·       Positivity

·       Ability to accept influence from ones spouse

·       Respectfully handling of differences and the ability to solve problems

·       Continuing courtship over the years. 

Eternity is a really long time, so we might as well do our best to enhance the time we have in this mortal life, building those eternal relationships that mean so much to us.  A good marriage relationship is key, and I look forward to my own blissful retirement with my sidekick.

Social Policies to Assist and Bless Families and Children

"Families are vital to individuals and society. Families typically provide group identity. They generate economic resources, address the health and emotional needs of family members, and enforce moral codes and norms of behavior." (Seipel, 2012, p. 300). In other words, families are so important in our society and they play an important role in the formation of our society. "Policies must be reconstructed to more fully address the needs of poor families." (Seipel, 2012, p. 307).

      The family is the basic unit of society and our society cannot function without families.

     "As a solid body of research shows, there is no replacement for the way this institution creates and develops human relationships. Family is no longer, nor ever has been, something that is simply “granted.” As anyone who has tried it knows, raising a family and sustaining a marriage are challenging things to do. However, at stake is not only the health of the individual family but also the prosperity and future of society." (LDS commentary). The presence of children in families and societies summons responsibility for their care, encourages productivity, creates an orientation toward the future and pulls individuals outside of their own needs.

The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

      We usually hear the quote "A family that works together stays together" and we always substitute it with other important words such as pray, eat and play.  Prophet Harold B. Lee said "The most important of the Lord's work you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home." That is true because we parents are our children's first teachers and if we don't teach our children the value of important things then who will? 

     Family work provides us endless opportunities to recognize and fill the needs of those around us. It teaches us to love and serve one another when our family members work together in the right spirit. The Lord teaches us that we are obligated to see the needs of others ad respond to them. Parents should have high expectations for their children, just the way the Lord has high expectations for us. Work is a spiritual and essential principle, our prophets have taught us that life is not wholly for fun and frolic.

     It takes time to learn to enjoy family work and to find the benefit that it has.  Family work can be the thing that shapes families into exalted eternal families.  When the appropriate spirit is present, the amount of caring and commitment that a family shares can be strengthened and grow. 

If we look at the example of the Savior we can see that He was always concerned with helping others.  If we are to emulate His example there is no better place to start then within the walls of your own family.  We can always be looking for some way to serve our family members. 

The small things we do every day may not seem like much but they are what make up our lives and so if we take the time to do them as a family then we will be blessed for the time we were able to spend as a family.  The small acts and the conversations we have will make up our lives so we need to make those times mean a little more by spending them with our family. 

In the past, working with family members was the normal thing to do but now we live in an age that families no longer work together as often.  The negative view of family work is a new development and before that, many families grew up with working as a family.  Work was life in the past and no one rushed through it because that's all they knew. 

Chores are important for families but if we manage our family like a business we will not get positive responses.  We need to show children how to do something and then ask them for their help in doing it.  We can teach our children to do more by teaching them why we serve and do chores.

References:

·                  Homage to the Home: Why Society Needs Strong Families. (2013, May 6). Retrieved Oct 12, 2015, from http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/homage-to-the-home-why-society-needs-strong-families

·          Seipel, M. M. (2012). Social Policies to Assist and Bless families and Children. In Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 300-309). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

·                  Widmer, M. A., & Taniguchi, S. T. (2012). Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Stronger Families. In Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 225-236). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

·                  Cullimore, J. A. (1975, October). Family Home Evening - James A. Cullimore. Retrieved July 23, 2014, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1975/10/family-home-evening?lang=eng&query=family+home+evening

·                  Nelson, R. M. (2008, October). Celestial Marriage - Russell M. Nelson. Retrieved December 12, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/celestial-marriage?lang=eng&query=importance+of+the+Proclamation

·                  Ballard, M. R. (2005, October). What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest - M. Russell Ballard. Retrieved December 9, 2015 from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/what-matters-most-is-what-lasts-longest?